something set in to me. a feeling i have experienced before but this much, so strong, not in awhile. i left the house alitttle bit ago only to fid myself with no navigational site. i basically, with the widows down went around -litteraly- my little cornerof the word. i found a long lost cd i burned who knows how long ago…there were only 7 tracks..it began with ‘Both sides now’ and ended with ‘While my gutair gently weeps’. the feelng within only strengthened whe i listened and relistened to the two mentioned songs. my soul was shifting and even more so while the night air blew through the open windows and the music was drowning out all other sences…i felt compelled to go and go and go….throw my hands up and just drive into the night..into oblivion.

“so many things i wouldve done but the clouds got i the way”. i voicemailed or tried twice to but my cell was goig down fast. either message i left to that box probally didnt make it. an unsettling feeling, emotional, discontent, feeling dred….feeling lost and alone. i despise that mindstate when it all comes in together and then with a feeling of wanderlust or whatever it is that places thoughts like this into my dulled brain.

i cant explain how i feel but i do know what the biggest part of it is and i am powerless to make it happen. to begin to live. to place my head down on soft, warm comfort. i feel so dried up, useless, my existence and the why of it are often pondered in my spirit but i know the medicine i must have to be complete, to be stablized, to feel purpose..but there isnt an RX or chemical on the market..what i need, the medicine to fix me lies in the warm loving spirit of one. it moves me, it makes perspective and clarity all focused and line up. my spirit could rest i this and i could give–me..the real deepest me–all of my all.

i was counting on my cell phone to hold out until i could sit down and move the pics i have taken over to computer so they could appear right here or atleast on the hard drive to be stored, edited for whatever reason my mind would eventually click enough to know what to do with them. my mind knows what i want, what i need, myself but my mind cannot make it happen. i am powerless to start my heart. the remedy, the medicine is not within reach.

so i’m am sitting, typing the circling thoughts and understanding fully the song that is playing on the cd player..”easys gettin harder everyday”….and it goes on the line”theres not much living here inside” spins. Iris DeMent, you never have heard of her and if ou have – lucky you. Ran across Iris in Texas. 7 or 8 years back. She was holding an acoustic gutair and when it came her time, she sang a song, that in itself is beautiful but added with ozark dialect (i guess some would say “cracker hick” as the distinct accent comes by them–but), i sat while my spirit was ejected from my body and then floating above it all, i listened closer and closer. i remember a couple of girls i a resterant in Amarillo working the cash register whe i payed for my meal. they heard me speak, and i guess my southeast tennessee dialect must have impressed them. or sickened…they knew i wasnt from texas. confessing to them i was a born and bred tennessean. they didnt seemed to surprized. and like some good natured yankees, as to hear me talk some more…geez, i am a freak show with all my body parts attached and normal. i dont hear it, in others i often do….some are more cracker-hick than me…..i know a guy, whom has a dialect more than i..but one thing about him i noticed, when he tries to impress or act like a big shot, that tennesseean voice becomes “proper” sounding and all sharp and crisp….whether i am prentendin to know what i am talking about, and in whomevers company i am in, i sound the same. i dont alter my voice, whether excited, calm, in a deeply emotional discussion, or whatever. i’ve told many a northerner that their the one with the weird accent, not me.

geez, rambling. i realize you realize it became obvious many words ago. but i am typig to myself as no one else is on this site. so i can eat my tortillas and drink my coffee…i love just passin the frig and occasionally snatching a tortilla just by itself. of course i have a overwhelming urge for honey and not the kind the bees make…but only one person will know what i am talking about there.

if i could just get it delivered and have the source beside me everyday of life. the warmeth, softness, the comforting pillows and a heartbeat and hearing the breathing soft or accerated, is wat i need. where, how, when, will it happen? will it come together? and if so, how about beginning yesterday and throughout the remainder of ‘forever’. please?

i;m getting gone now..i sound like a complete senseless fruit cake.

–photo is mine..BTW.. as is the sunflower. took it with the cell cam a couple days ago. hope it brings good thoughts to all who see it. i thought it nice if i say so myself.

1:47 am sunday morn

everyday is like sunday,,,,,,,,,,,everyday is cloudy ad grey………

anyhow, its 1:50 AM SUNDAY MORN. as i sit here typing, thumping. the cat is having a fit wanting out..he knows there is no life or excitement in here. i sit here alone, except the CDs random play being Dylan’s ‘ Working mans blues #2″………. off the CD ‘Modern Times’.    i cant help it, i love it. Much of it is upbeat blues but he places a few twists in there…enough to throw off the regular Dylan listener. This CD is excellent….Dylan should call it one of his masterpieces. I happen to recommend it.

I sit with thunder in the background and flashes of light accross the sky, I am alone. I will die this way. Frightetened ad no one to hold my hand or comfort me..everything i love is along way from here. i really expected alittle more activiity since i popped 6 doses of/.////////////  \

but someting, perhaps emotion and feelings curvd the twist……at least forthe full affect. i love my friends, my love, my daughter…but beyond that,,,,,,,,,,,there is naught……….’

right now, the 1st national flag of the CSA `flys from the front of the house,,,,does that make me a ‘rednceck’?..after all it is the ’stars and bars’;………..the 1st national flaf of the CSA. NOT the battle flag as so many well-meaning ignorant southerns think and most of the “colored” commnity. the battle flag was adopted, but never ratified as a symbol on the fields of war simply because the 1st nationalal flag was hard to diifereciate from the federal flag.  the ’stars and bars’ (the first verSION) represent the first states to leave the union.

ever since the day McCain and Obama were the 2 mainline choices, it went up..granted i have no dout many of much of the passer-bys think it’s a form of the early USA flag. There are some that know what it is. I have seen evryting from trucks to Lexus’ vehicles with the Bonnie Blue on the front..it makes me proud, to see the flag of seccession on a Lexus.

okay, call me a redneck or what ever….but the fact remais the war of northern aggression, the Civil War was over the 10th amendment of the Constitution…nothing else…look  it up.

the battle flag, as the most common representive of the south was NEVER ratified by the Confederate congress as an official banner. It came about mainly to distinquish the union flag and the stars and bars–from a distance………and the flag is NOT an ‘X’!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is a cross. a symbol off the Scottish Flag–Saint Andrew’s cross. (check out Braveheart for alitte more understanding).. The denominational church of the Disciples of Christ use this symbol…. if you see a chalace and a enlonagted ‘X’ or cross within it, that is Saint Andrew’s cross. An apostle of Jesus Christ, Andrew , historically went into the part of the world we now know as Scotland. As all but one, he was killed as a martyr….The scots-yes william Wallace (see the movie “Braveheart”)………..the southern states took this cross and in the red, white and blue, placed stars to equal the delgates at the Confederate congress–although Kentucky and Missiouri never seccedded from te union officially,,they had delagates at the confederate congress.

BTW: after the upcoming election i will place ‘old glory’ upside down on display..i wonder how man sheeple know that means ‘natio in distress’?

alright..i’ll be the first to admit i have a long way to go…

one of many to come....in the yard that is

figuring out the ins and outs of this. It is unlike many other Blog sites I have seen. I’ll either conquer it to my satisfaction or blow up my computer with household chemical agents.

was it last friday? i believe so, the day a twisting storm rolled over my county, more bells and whistles here than rain…except for the wind. it came down into my corn patch and wiped out several good stalks..leaving a sort of hole i the middle. i salvaged and straightened the one not snapped.  a few days later, as i stood in the midst of the damaged area, as i straightend up stalks and packed soil around their base with my bare feet, then weeded and discarded those that were snapped, i felt like a Bob Dylan or Woody Guthrie so. Dylan’s ‘working class #2′ ran through my head.  This garden is not my support. But it does represent my hands, the dirt and sweat, the food i set out to grow as a small, small part of a desire to become more and more self-sufficent. it’s not my first and probally not my last. Just last year, the production from it saw bounty and enough to share and put away for the coming winter. the corn, squash, tomatoes, beans, along with the sunflowers given to the birds after the heads of the flowers are so  huge they bow…breaking them in half and raking its seeds off to ground for the birds and squirrels to have something to put away for the upcoming darkness. 

i recalled Wendell Berry stories. I recalled John Mellencamp’s song “Scarecrow”. The country, the world–it doesnt matter what your means for living happens to be–when the overall economy cause loss–whether that farm that was lost to the bank foreclosing in Mellencamp’s song or the struggle of a small town trying to maintain a local economy and self-sufficent nature as Wendell Berry produces by each pop of his old type-writer….if you are a auto worker in Detroit, or a fry cook or an independent buisness person—-losing is the same as that farmer losing his legacy to foreclosure.  If you work at a grocery store, you have probally watched the shifting of prices, purchases, and the faces of people wondering what will they do. When the oil companies paint $4.00 a gallon for gasoline on the signs-then boast of their record profits–it hits all of us….whether you are a musician, writer, artist, factory worker, what ever…it will hit in the long run. when food costs rise due to transportation costs, fertilizer more than doubling from last year, fuel and maintanace of equipment…..it is the snowball rolling downhill. it picks up more and more snow, increasing in size, along with grabbing everything else loose in it’s path….when it comes to a stop–it just doesnt stop—it explodes and the debris it has gathered digs in hard as more damage is done.

Let me tell you, get over it now–Obama, Hillary or John are not going to save you. In fact they will not even make a difference….unless your taxes increase to feed the machine. Demo’s are known for their “tax and spend” nature..Republicans? Hell, who can tell the difference anymore. Do we all go join the American-Communist Party? How about the American-Nazi Party? There are so many folks to vote for, pick one because it won’t do you anygood when it comes down to two parties. I am…errrr…..strange? or have thought to be an extremist, a threat, whatever..because I support a Republic form of government and not the Democracy we have been brainwashed into what people think Amerika is supposed to be. Yes I WILL TELL YOU UP FRONT I SUPPORT, THEN AND NOW—RON PAUL.  He is not a ought and paid for, in the click puppet. I’d vote for a dead prick before Hillary or Obama ever got a checkmark from me. I am a Constitutionalist, a libertarian, one who easily could vite for the candidate The American Taxpayer Party is running. ‘W’ is not the worst president this country has ever seen but he ranks in the top 5..perhaps 3. Al Gore is a moron. The more I see Hillary, the more sympathy I have for Bill as an individual. We all should chip in and get him a hooker if he runs out of girlfriends…Bill Clinton, at last count has signed more executive orders tha any other president in history. The Bushes probally are running close. Executive Orders are nothing more than a end run around the elected reps and senators. Call it what you will…and I guess you still think there is nothing smelly in the JFK assaination. Lyndon B. Johnson, was probally the worst president in my life, close to Jimmy Carter..perhaps they were dead even. Johnson shifted us into an undeclared war right here in the states-pitting citizens against one another, meanwhile while our boys were played as clay pigeons in south-east asia. Carter gave away the Panama Canal, he removed us from the gold standard in his Federal reserve act bill he signed….yes, the U.S. governemnt has been counterfiting since 78′..deal with it….and you wonder why inflation………….ah hell….never mind…..”turn me loose and set me free; somewhere in the middle of Montana”..as Merle Haggard said.  So you now are convinced i am u-patriotic….have you been paying attention? I am one of the most patriot people you will find..I cant helpt it if the governemnt and the leaders are not. They are globalist pigs. There is nothing soverign to them and their homeland. The United States of America is run my global corperations and foreign money. Fly your flag upside down. Support seccession in your state/ Demand that NAFTA/GATT and affiliation with the WTO be blown away. Lock down the borders. Stop our asskissing to Israel….after all,  9/11 never would have happened if not for that and all the other shin-digs in the mid-east.

Call in the dogs, piss on the fire. the hunt is over.

Helloooooo….

All i need is a blog. Again. Whe I ran across the link from C/Net’s download.com, I came on in..Teayh I have been here before but went ahead and signed up, killed sometime writing the profile (will it be used against be i criminal court?)

Anyhow, I will see how this goes. Should I stay or should I go? hmmmm,,,,I’ve heard that song.